Mugisha Muntu

Monday

Finally I am President! It has been a long struggle but I persisted and I have worked my rear off and it has paid off. It is a new dawn for Uganda and time for a historic change in governance

Tuesday

I passed by Kololo airstrip to see how the preparations for my swearing in ceremony were going but it was all quiet. The people from Silk Events should be here doing should be here doing set up. I will give Annette Mbabazi a call to ask her where she and her team are

Wednesday

I am still rather miffed that President Museveni has not called to congratulate me. May be he does not know my cell number? Whether he does or does not, he has to acknowledge that I Mugisha Muntu, I am a president too and if I refer to him as Mr. President, I also expect him to refer to me in the same manner  

Thursday

I went down to Wilson Road – Capital Studios to get my first official photographs taken. I wanted to look diplomatic, strong and charming but the photographer kept on insisting that I pose by the stuffed lion for it makes me look in charge

Friday

Really Kiza Besigye! Can you imagine that two weeks down the road and he has yet to clean out his desk at FDC party headquarters! Anyway I did it for him and while going through his papers I found some love notes he had written to Winnie. The man has no vibe!

Saturday

I got a phone call from the president of The Ghetto Republic asking he could come over and see me. Is he on crack cocaine? He should realise that I am not playing pretend president but I am the real deal

Sunday

These ‘investors’ are already on my case. They are looking for deals already and are offering me mob dimes if I give them concessions on land and other things. I am not yet in office and people are already trying to corrupt me

Judith Heard

Judith Heard

Monday

Who exactly is this Forbes person and where can I find him? Does he not know I too am loaded? All he talked about was Sudhir, Patrick Bitature, Charles Mbire and Mukwano being the richest people in the land. I am sure that Forbes must be working for New Vision and with that I am going to call up Robert Kabushenga and have him fired!

Tuesday

What part of the country does Forbes come from to have Magazine as a surname? People, what Forbes does not know is Sudhir, Bitature, Mbire and Mukwano have never been to De Posh Bar in Kabalagala and splashed out drinks for everybody like there is no tomorrow. I don’t even have to go to office work like they do. My bed is my office and all I have to do is simply lie back and give Dr. Heard ‘some’   

Wednesday

I still have not been able to trace this Forbes fellow. He needs to recognise me, he needs to tell the world that I Judith Heard I am a loaded babe. Mbire does not even own MTN but he is a mere director who gets a salo at the end of the month. And if I was not buying airtime where would he be without me?

Thursday

Today Dr. Heard told me that Forbes is not a person but a magazine. Does he think I am stupid? Just because he is a muzungu he thinks he can put me down! Well I told him that my source – Zari had told me that Forbes is a freelancer with New Vision. And to you know what he did? He shook his head and walked away

Friday

It’s a girl’s night out today! We are going to Silk Lounge and I hope that that Elvis fellow has told Andrew Kaffoko to reserve my table for me. And I also don’t want to queue up like the rest of the plebs do

Saturday

Now check Dr. Heard! He vexed with me because I came back at 4:00am? Can’t a girl go out and let her hair down? As he is vexing let’s see if he thinks I am going to give him ‘some’. He is going to have to beg for it

Sunday

Yes he begged for it. Apart from that, he told me to go to Spear Motors and pick a new ride. You see girls what tight power can get you! Well that Forbes fellow may not have written about me but for sure when I get my new ride al least Bukedde will have me on the front page!  

President Museveni

President Museveni

Monday

What am I supposed to do about Amama Mbabazi? Last week, the Daily Mail, a British newspaper, wrote a story about him and that how donor money had ended up in his bank account. If the story is true, should I ask him to resign, pay back the dime or simply haul him off to Luzira the way it was with Gilbert, Jim and Mike?

Tuesday

Some investor has called me to go an open up yet another factory. Do you know how bored I get at these launches and openings? There are many other people who can open up factories. For example, what does Kabaka Mutebi do with his time? 

Wednesday

I have resolved to stop going to weddings because they are becoming expensive. Do you know that every couple expects me to give them a brown envelop as entandikwa? When I married my Janet, there was nobody to give us a brown envelope. We had to struggle but today, people want things for free

Thursday

I thought of taking a trip to Rwakitura but have decided to go to Gulu instead. Just as we were about to leave, I got a call from Kololo airstrip that the chopper had some problems and now I am going to have to go by road. I think it is a good idea for I get to see the people on the ground who give me the truth unlike the people around me who don’t tell me everything

Friday

Every time I go to Gulu I see something new. That Nobert Mao chap must be doing something good. The only problem is that he can be stubborn and has a habit of making some utterances which are not well researched

Saturday

I have flushed the wedding. Today I am going to take it easy. After a spell in the gym I am going to sit down and watch real informative programmes on Discovery Channel unlike that trashy show on NTV – what is it? Beautiful but unlucky? Hmm

Sunday

It is tough being president. I wanted to have a lie-in today but the phone rang. It appears that of my minsters has been a naughty boy. Can’t people behave for once?