Erias Lukwago - Lord Mayor, Kampala City

Erias Lukwago

Monday

I had a bad dream that I woke up in a shiver and in a cold sweat. That name, Jennifer Musisi, kept popping into my dream. The chick stresses me out and does not respect me. Does she not know that I, Erias Lukwago, I am a man who has the title of Lord Mayor while she is just a mere executive director?

Tuesday

I have to show that Musisi woman who the boss is. I am going to stand my ground. She should be at home peeling matooke and pounding groundnuts than meddling about in the affairs of KCCA. Women belong at home and in the kitchen – you know what I mean?

Wednesday

Eh, today Jennifer came to work wearing a blue skirt and a pink blouse. She looked so superfly that I had to check her out! For a moment there I got distracted and even contemplated asking her out on a date. Then I came back down to earth. She is the enemy Lukwago, so I kept on reminding myself, she is the enemy.

Thursday

There is a good picture of me on the cover of Bukedde looking rather dapper. I was touring downtown where my subjects love me. One woman came up to me and asked if she could have a child with me. Now how many men have come up to Musisi and asked if they could have a child with her?

Friday

Nadudu, the office tea girl, brought me tea. Along with the tea she gave me the option of gonja and popcorn as accompaniments. But the woman smells! She tells me she can’t afford the bus fare so she has to walk to work and thus she sweats. I give her 5k to go and buy some deodorant.

Saturday

Can you imagine the cheek that that Musisi woman has? She had the nerve to call me at home telling me to come to her office for a meeting! I barked at her and told her never to call me when I am at home and having quality time with Mrs. Lukwago

Sunday

Mrs. Lukwago was so impressed at the way I barked at Musisi. So impressed she was, that last night, she wore the little black see through number that a Nakivubo vendor gave me to bed. Talk about saawa ya malavuu! I feel so rejuvenated that come Monday, I am going to slap Musisi down.